Costco

What happened to the onions for my hotdog,

or deli mustard?

What happened to the works slice?

It’s not COVID anymore.

Who told you to make the muffins smaller?

I get less now.

You messed with perfection —

please show the perp the door.

I do like that we have Coke now at the fountain;

I’ll at least give you that.

But bring back the churro, please —

the double chocolate chunk is not where it’s at.

Where the fuck is the ham and cheese pastry?

You know, the one you keep cold with the cakes.

You should know what daddy likes!

You should be ashamed of discontinuing the All American Chocolate Cake.

You should make directional arrows on the floor

for the mortadels who can’t navigate the aisle.

If you’re not under twelve or geriatric,

samplers should be smacked for clogging up in piles.

Costco, don’t you love me?

Twenty dollars for a bucket of peanut M&M’s?

Thirty dollars for Premier Protein shakes?

Twenty dollars for chips that used to be ten?

I guess I can forgive you —

you’ve been consistent on the price of gas.

You should hire me for consulting,

’cause some of the decisions you’ve made recently have been trash